Learning as I go and sharing my experiences with others
I am a 62-year young woman — I think that’s the right age! — who resides in San Diego, CA. I moved here with my husband — who left me in August 2021 — from Missouri, to help my brother take care of my mom — who passed in November 2021, 9 days after turning 83. I enjoy writing and realized that talking/writing about “me” wasn’t or isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. In fact, I found it to be not just very challenging, but extremely challenging!! I am learning to accept complements and learning HOW to communicate more effectively and have become conscious of my word choices. I have a rescue dog from Tijuana, Mexico, and have named her Hayu.
Would it surprise you that I am still trying to figure out who I am? There are these shifts taking place within me and they are taking place all the time and never seem to stop. I like these shifts or changes. I LIKE who I am becoming!! I LIKE that I am LEARNING more every single day. I’ve been on this “deep see” expedition for as long as I can remember, and I seriously doubt I will ever grow tired of that. I want to be BETTER at being me; I want to be TRUE to myself and sometimes that isn’t always easy!! I want to get better at standing up for myself, too. So many things I want to do!!
I am an empath. Sometimes I am not sure how to handle that. Sometimes this scares me. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t. I don’t explore this part of me because it intimates me for some reason. Perhaps I should explore and see where it will take me. I can’t help but wonder that IF I explore this more, what would I find and I know that the answer to that is to explore and find out. I am both curious and apprehensive. Why? I don’t know. It could be because my brother is an empath as well. I think MOST of us are empaths, and don’t realize it or know it. I’ve done a little research into this “empath” stuff. I am highly sensitive; absorb other people’s emotions; extremely introverted; very intuitive; need/crave my alone time; overwhelmed in any “intimate” relationship I am involved in; am a target for “energy vampires”; become replenished and re-energized by nature; have highly tuned senses; have a huge heart and I often give much more than I should.
I am someone who has struggled and continues to struggle with being over-weight and addictions. Yes, I said additions as I do have more than one. I am a recovering alcoholic though I never entered into any program to quit drinking and haven’t had any alcoholic beverage in over 20 years. I am also a recovering drug addict. No, that’s not quite right. I am a drug addict who experiments with drugs. My recent experiments include that of crystal meth, acid and ecstasy. Ever hear of a drug called “G”? That, too. I don’t smoke the crystal instead I ingest it. I do acid and ecstasy (or “Molly”) together and the high I get from that is one I want to experience again and again and again. I like the high, what can I say?
I write because I enjoy it. I’m not good at it. I have fun with it. I like WORDS. I like how words create vivid images in my mind. Words are important. I don’t always spell them correctly and I most certainly don’t always connect them correctly, either. I like using the “ … “ frequently and believe they are used more than they should be. I like poetry. I like short stories. I like many things. I first began writing when I was in high school, which was awhile back. However, it was when I began to roleplay that “my writing” began to take off. I don’t know why, but I believe it’s because the imagination was opened, and it blew me away. I began posting poetry and short stories to a forum (can’t remember the name!!) that allowed its members to critique and make suggestions. I showed a poem I had written to my husband; it was erotica in nature, and after he read it, he called me a “Pervert”, and I haven’t really written anything since. Most of what I’ve been posting was written, well, back in the day!
Growing up we travelled frequently because Dad was in the Air Force, which meant that we never stayed in one place for very long. Every 18 months, sometimes longer, we would move. I was born in Bangor, ME, and have lived in: New York; Guam; Nebraska; California; Illinois; Augusta, ME when Dad was stationed in Thailand during the Vietnam war. I met my husband in Arizona and we got married in Oregon. I’ve lived in North Carolina for a very, very short period of time; New Hampshire; Delaware; Missouri and now, California. I am a very sensitive person as well as emotional. I am a quiet person and quite introverted. I like to hide in crowds even though I do not LIKE being in crowds; I don’t like being the center of attention and I certainly don’t like having my name called out in ANY public places where people can actually SEE me. I secretly believe I am being made fun of when I am seen. And this all began when I was in high school. I was picked on; spat on; had my books knocked out of my arms in the stairwell; humiliated; had snowballs thrown at me and, was molested.
A small fun fact about me: I enjoy role playing and STILL roleplay to this day. It allows me to get away from the real world for just a little while and explore a world of science fiction and fantasy combined. John Norman, who wrote a series of science-fiction/fantasy novels called GOR is very, very popular on the site I still roleplay on. His books were difficult to read, and I only made it to the fourth in the series, Nomad of Gor I believe it was called. Most of my Gorean knowledge comes from watching/observing in any room I happened to enter and finding information on-line. I recently opened up my own room based on the Wild West.
I like to write fiction. I like to write poetry too. I am not the best at writing, and I don’t know if calling this my passion is appropriate as I don’t write every day. I carry a small notebook with me and jot down thoughts before they become elusive. Sometimes the jotted thoughts become a poem or a short story or even a plot for a roleplay! I like words. I like words very, very much.
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Looking forward to reading and writing!! Looking forward to… many new and amazing discoveries!!!
