Feeling guilty

Acacia; Property of Camden Coultrain, Hulneth Island, PoD

With the soap having been made it was now time to find and do something else. I would have preferred that the next “something else” come with NO time constraints; not be messy to perform; not have the potential of creating a mess while being performed; or, be a very non-messy task or chore. I have yet to hear or witness that there exists a “something else” chore or task having those instructions on how to or a task or chore that is even remotely similar to the preferences, I would feel extremely ecstastic! I try hard. Indeed! I try very hard… in fact I try extremely hard to perform my tasks and chores as quickly and efficiently as possible and to keep the area I happen to be using for said task and or chore as neat, orderly and clean as possible, too. But, it doesn’t always work out that way and when that happens, it usually doesn’t always end well for me either. Most times the end, or rather final result (because it is always the final word of the Free) were often disastrous and quite painful for me. Mistress rather enjoyed using whatever whip she could find or whatever her hands could find when I made a mistake or an error. How can she be aware of anything like that before she even passes through the Hut’s door? I believe that no one needs to make her aware of anything Waratah or I do because, she always seems to “know”. How she would know… I don’t even know how to answer that! Best if I were to keep me on my toes. I would much rather “know” that whatever mistake or error I’ve made, that it will most assuredly be repaired; fixed or somehow just made right and done again for good measure, or my ass will be beaten red, BEFORE she is made aware of anything we, or I for that matter, did. I wasn’t always at the receiving end of those fine tethers and sometimes some of those fine tethers missed my back entirely, but the next strike made up for that. So were my thoughts this day!

A new chore or rather “something else” to do. The weather would be turning. For the warmer I hoped, deciding it would be best that I not get or keep my hopes up that warmer weather would be sooner rather than later. I had noted that Arne began to spend all of his time overseeing the building of the new barn Mistress Nyah has having built. And with my Mistress away for more business and to do a little shopping to furnish and decorate the additional room that was had been completed less than a hand but remained empty, perhaps while she is away Waratah, and I will pack and move everything. I’m pretty sure my Mistress already knows where her new and not yet paid for furnishing and decorative items will be placed in the room. I wonder if this means Waratah and I will be allowed to re-decorate the room Mistress is permitting us to sleep in? Acacia!! TAL!! TAL! Can you hear me, Acacia? My feet decided to go in different directions when I heard my inner voice. I caught my balance in time, cringing at the tone of voice my voice was using. Have you forgotten something, Acacia? Something that you have yet to tell her? I became a mute. I actually felt myself turning or becoming mute when my lips pressed tightly together. I wasn’t saying a word. Nothing. I had absolutely, and I mean it, absolutely NOTHING to say to my “inner” voice. Perhaps you would have a better understanding of what I am telling you, if I spelled it out for you? I heard a sneer in that voice. A. Very. Scathing. Sneer. L A U N D R Y, that inner voice of mine said, and in unison my head and shoulders dropped and slumped, respectively. I hadn’t forgotten. I had been hoping something else had forgotten. And how long now since those garments had been ruined? Oh hush! The sound echoed around the near empty hall. A glance in all directions told me no one was within hearing distance, and I really needed to control the direction my thoughts went. I felt my brows draw together then smooth immediately. No one needs to “see” where we take you, neither! I felt my eyes roll, thankful, that at that moment, my back was presented to the Main Hall, but as soon as those orbs circled, my body turned that quickly, I needed to re-adjust my kirtle. I saw the Jarl that had dumped me at the booted feet of my Mistress as he entered the hall, and I laughed. His hands believed my ass begged to be pinched; swatted at playfully and sometimes outright whacked where the sound exploded throughout the entire hall and everyone would turn to look and silence always seemed to last but it really never did, and the Hall would again be filled with the sounds of laughter and good conversation.

You forgot. I passed by the Jarl who offered a rough tug of my hair and a quick smack on one bottom-cheek. I gave a smile, and noted a new bond swing her hips into mine before they swiveled into the Jarl’s and didn’t that get his attention? A smile was given to the girl with a retuned wink of the bluest Thassa I had ever seen and before I could catch a breath, my voice was at it again. How could you forget Acacia…? Even I heard the disappointment in the tone. I couldn’t very well serve in the Hall, not in this frame of mind!!! Stop! STOP! RIGHT NOW! The urgency in -that- tone was unmistakable and I came to an immediate stop. I hadn’t even been able to start anything, and I was already being told to stop! Humor always shows up when it’s least expected, doesn’t it? I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. I also knew that the direction of my thoughts was uncontrollable. I also knew that this had been weighing heavily on my mind. And not just heavily, but very heavily. I felt my shoulders slump even more and unconsciously lifted them and my head. I would have to tell her. And soon. When she returns from this trip. I have to tell her. In fact, I must tell her. You say this now. Like you said it last time. But will you tell her this time, Acacia? There never seemed to be a right time to say anything or show her anything. More attention was given to errs and mistakes when they were made which wasn’t really very often. I was hearing laughter now. And again, felt my brows draw together before immediately smoothing them out. No need to cause flawless skin to wrinkle unnecessarily.

You ARE planning on telling her this time, aren’t you, Acacia? I was pleading with myself. Literally, pleading. I knew until I relented and acquiesced, my inner voice would ruin what still could be a fun and interesting night. Yes! I hissed under my breath. I would have readily agreed to anything my voice wanted as long as it agreed to be silent and let ME do the talking. Even though my inner voice was agreeing with me, I knew that it would walk and talk all over me when the time came to tell Mistress about 2 blouses and a leather tunic that were now ruined. We must not forget to tell her that they’re already being used to help maintain the cleanliness of the hut too! No need to sound that cheerful or exuberant, I thought, my head shaking slowly back and forth. It just grinned at me, that inner voice. While ignorance is often frowned upon, in this situation, I must insist. Too many things to do and not much time left, now, to get it completed. And she would be coming home soon, too.



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One day at a time and sharing my experiences.